and so it begins....

 Everything I'm doing seems to be new.....blogging is new, working out is new (really working out, not doing three crunches and calling it a day. You know what I'm talking about....don't act like you haven't done it.) trying to get an apartment is new...becoming a Sugar Baby....now THAT is new.


This may not happen, I could be bluffing. Making myself think I'll become a sugar baby, then getting to the point where I'm about to actually meet my potential Sugar Daddy and then, nothing. I've done it before, wanted something really badly, almost got there and chickened out. I'm eighteen, so I need to get out there....I want to start my life. Patience has never been a virtue that I possessed. If something is in my sights. I take it, I have ambitions and dreams. I also need to get hit with some reality. A good life, means security, security means money. That, I have none of. I have a job, I work mon-thur at a pre-school. I work with a bunch of two year old children. As horrid as it may sound to some people, I quite enjoy it. The kids love me, and I love them. Even if my day is spent reading "Froggy Rides a Bike" thirty thousand times, I like it. Unfortunately this job will only last until the beginning of May, and it only pays a meager three hundred dollars a month. I live with my family, so rent bills are something I don't have to worry about. I'm very lucky to have that, and I'm grateful. But.....I want out. My mother and I along, my stepfather and I get along, even my younger brother and I get along.....I just want out. I live in the middle of nowhere, I have no future if I stay here. I know this, nobody who stays here ever makes it. Sad, but true. My mother always used to say, "You become the people you hang around....make good choices in who your friends are....you hang out with druggies, you become a druggie. You hang out with drama nerds, guess what you more then likely will become a drama nerd (even though drama nerds are awesome and that's okay) if you hang out with dead beat losers, sure enough, you'll become one" well, I'm taking her advice. I've cut off all ties with "friends" from my high school. Only my best friend who's been there for me since I was eleven (and went to another high school) is still in my life. I don't feel bad saying this. They're losers.....and they will "grow up" to be...losers. Dead end job, shit house, more kids then they can afford. That isn't something I want. Ever. I thought becoming a Sugar Baby for a bit....would be nice. I would be helping someone, while they helped me. I'm not very open to the whole "We go on three dates and have sex" aspect. To be honest, I still haven't even lost my V-card. So, sex....yeah not really something I wanna put on the table. I get it's a big part of the SB/SD relationship, I wouldn't mind being intimate and doing 'other' things. Then there is the aspect of money. Do I want an allowance?  Maybe they could help me get a nice apartment? Hell, I don't even need nice. A studio would please me for now. Am I supposed to demand that I receive X amount of money on this date or that date? It's all just so....confusing? I'm even offset by using the word confusing. It shouldn't be confusing. It should be simple. Right? I guess I'm looking for some Sugar babies advice, and just a few other "friends" to have. This blog could be a journey....one that may never happen....or one that turns into something amazing. Only time will tell.